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Summer is my least favorite season and every year around this time, I'm praying and begging for those first wisps of autumn breeze to come in. Lately I've been obsessed with improving my art, so any spare free time I've gotten I've been drawing and thinking of story concepts. So far I'm happy with all the progress I've documented, but as of now I'm taking a break to avoid becoming too burned out. 

I'm still gaming, though my motivation to game has tanked a bit as the heat has gotten worse and work has gotten shittier. When it's 90+ degrees outside, no one wants to sit in a hot sweaty apartment with a PS4 running. Good news is that I finally replaced my old capture card with a nifty Elgato, so my streams look 1000 times better and I can actually play the game using the TV itself as opposed to using my TV as a larger display monitor for OBS. I also have less issues with audio balance and frame rate, which was a massive headache before. Just this past week I finished FFX and am currently playing both Chrono Cross: The Radical Dreamers Edition on Switch as well as Final Fantasy X-2. More on that later, but I just wanted to post a short lil update to kind of get back into the habit of writing and talking about things that interest me. Vlogging and streaming is nice, but there are some subjects where I feel like writing is a better way to express myself. 

I think instead of big essay-long entries, I might post shorter and more frequent rambles and thoughts on games, books, and other shit I like. I decided that in terms of other creative projects, that I want to keep that stuff separate from this blog and more under wraps, so as much as I wanna gush about my OC's and my new ideas, this blog is gonna stick to mostly talking about things other people have made lol. 

Anyway, I'm hoping my motivation for things in general improves once fall comes around. I just can't stand being all fatigued . . . and sweaty . . . and generally cranky. Not the best mindset to be in for writing and articulating thoughts on the big ol' internet. 

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It's been a few weeks since I finished this game, but I'm excited to finally talk about it. I guess you can assume I'll be mentioning spoilers here, so skip this if you wanna play this game with fresh eyes or you just generally don't wanna see me fanboy about video games again. Long post ahead, so sit tight. 

Gameplay/Mechanics:

Like with FFVIII, I have never played this game before and had no idea about the storyline prior to playing. I was vaguely familiar with a handful of the character cast, namely Zidane, Vivi, and Kuja, but no one else. I was also aware of the premise of the game being "returning to one's roots," and that it was intended to be an homage to all the previous Final Fantasy games, specifically the pre-FFVII titles. I really enjoyed the blending of high fantasy and steampunk elements, and I absolutely adored the colorful, immersive environments and the character designs. It isn't "chibi," but strikes a comfortable balance of being whimsically cartoon-ish while still being realistic enough to carry the emotional weight of the story; they seem like characters that fit seamlessly within the world around them, as opposed to the unsightly, clunky polygons of FFVII. As always the music was fantastic, but that's a given for pretty much any Final Fantasy title. 

Playing the PS4 HD version, the game does suffer the same issues as FFVIII in that the pre-rendered backgrounds don't get much of a polished upgrade compared to the character and enemy models. This can make traversing the more complex environments a challenge at times, but it is more of an occasional inconvenience than anything else. PC gamers should be able to find some decent texture mods to upgrade their gaming experience if they so choose. 

In the spirit of "returning to roots," the game THANKFULLY goes back to the traditional leveling, magic ,and abilities systems that have been a mainstay in pretty much most J-RPG's in existence. While we are still given an annoying optional card game (one I ignored for pretty much the entire game, as I did with Triple Triad), gone are the junctioning system, the draw system, the GF's, and the refining system. In this game, we are once again given a wide selection of equippable items and accessories, each endowed with their own sets of abilities, passive effects, and stat buffs. If enough AP is accumulated while the item is in use, these abilities can be permanently inherited by the wearer. With leveling, every character is able to collect special "magic gems" which allows them to expand the limit of abilities they can have simultaneously active. 

A teensy downside is that all abilities - both inherited and exclusive to currently equipped items - need to be manually added and are not always automatic, especially the passive effects. Little ol' me didn't realize this until I was at end game and was struggling with a very difficult boss fight that was leaving me perplexed. Specifically, it was Tiamat - one of the many bosses you encounter in Memoria. Basically, she can cast a type of multi-target status effect capable of instantly killing a party member the moment it takes an action. Luckily, if all your characters have the "Body Temp" ability, they can be completely immune to the status. 

So for 70% of the game, I was completely ignorant of this untapped potential and was basically relying on weapons, leveling, and sheer luck to pull me through some of the trickier late game fights. Once I had that first "holy shit" moment, the following fights were significantly less daunting and I was way more successful. To my surprise, I even managed to make it through the triple fight with the Silver Dragon, Kuja, and Garland with only one full party K.O.

Needless to say, this game made me appreciate the art of managing buffs/debuffs and status effects/wards so much more than I used to as a long-time J-RPG player. In years past, I would simply rely on luck and hours upon hours of grinding. I would try to get strong enough to where I could simply take more hits and basically breeze through any late game challenges without a sweat. I disregarded items that offered anything but stat increases and avoided concerning myself with abilities and skills that weren't strictly for dealing direct damage or healing. FFVIII was my first moment of reckoning where this paradigm was challenged, and I was forced to change the way I approached these games. With FFIX I could theoretically go with my initial play style and probably wouldn't have been worse for wear, but having gone through the tedious process of grinding in FFVII so many, many months ago, I didn't want to go through millions of mind-numbing random encounters again. I wanted to see the end of the game NOW, damnit! 

While there was a point where I did do a small bit of grinding, it wasn't an excessive amount, and it was really to make sure my party had enough HP and defense to avoid being one-shotted, not because I wanted them to be comically overpowered. When I changed my mindset and actually started to strategize, I ended up having a blast and feeling a greater sense of accomplishment as I powered through each new challenge I encountered. 

Characters/Story:
As for the characters, I pretty much fell in love with them in some way or another. In terms of strictly gameplay, I had a huge soft spot for the non-human characters, Freya and Quina. Freya is a Burmecian who plays the dragoon/red mage role; my favorite strategy with Freya was to use her Jump ability, which rockets her above the field until her next turn. This allows her to evade damage or negative status effects between turns, while still dealing significant damage. It's not foolproof, but it comes in handy in a pinch. Quina is a member of the Qu, a group of marsh inhabitants that are present on every major continent in Gaia. They are a Blue Mage and are a character primarily devoted to inheriting skills from enemies that they consume, kinda similar to the Enemy Skill ability from FFVII. The process of "eating/cooking" enemies is tricky - they must be eligible to be eaten and low enough in HP to be vulnerable - however the results can be quite rewarding. One move that saved my ass many times was the status effect "Bad Breath" which can cast Blind, Silence, and Confuse on multiple targets. They can also learn to use other powerful moves like Holy and Death, which sharply contrasts with their cutesy and innocent design and demeanor. 

The main character, Zidane, was generally unimpressive on the battle field until his Trance abilities were unlocked. It was incredibly satisfying when I could finally whip out Grand Lethal and deal 9999 damage on an imposing foe. As for the character himself, Zidane could be annoying at first with his excessive flirtatious behavior, but I became deeply empathetic to the way he responded to the complicated and tragic circumstances witnessed on his journey, and the knowledge about his origins as a Genome. I wouldn't say it was a strictly "loss of innocence" type narrative, but I could relate to the turmoil of emotions that come along with understanding the darker and less idyllic aspects of the world, and knowing that you have to act instead of going back to that state of innocence.

Similarly, I could sympathize to Garnet's own turmoil with regard to her feelings towards her adopted mother, Queen Brahne, despite the queen attempting to extract Garnet's powers to cause worldwide mayhem and destruction; her guilt and conflicting feelings about the other characters putting their lives on the life for her sake somewhat resonated to a certain degree with my own difficulties with accepting outer community support and help. It was quite wholesome and memorable to see Zidane talking her through her feelings for reassurances, and to help her reframe the situation in her head as being not just about others fighting for her sake, but that each of them have their own motives and goals. 

Kuja, Zidane's brother who was also a Genome created by Garland, was probably one of my favorite villains out of the games I've been able to play so far - not because of his unforgiveable acts, but for how he is portrayed and his role in the story. Not only is his design extremely striking and very unique, but there is something palpable about the raw rage and jealousy that drives his heinous, omnicidal rampage. Unlike Sephiroth and Ultimecia, who's motives (in my opinion) leaned towards the otherworldly and metaphysical, Kuja's childlike insecurity, narcissism and hatred are rooted in strong emotions that are probably to some degree relatable on the level of an average person: his feelings of rejection by his "father," his feelings of being useless and being replaced, and his shame over his origins as a being created solely for the purpose of Garland's soul transfer experiments. As others have pointed out, it was also interesting to see Kuja have what appeared to be a genuine change of heart at the end and realize the weight of the pain and destruction he's caused. 

Overall, I was VERY satisfied by this game and can definitely see myself returning to play it again. Rumors are circulating about a remake and a children's TV show being in the works, so I wonder what plans are in store for potentially reviving this game's legacy. It is a shame that it did end up getting swept under the tide of notoriety on the cusp of Final Fantasy X and the PS2's release, and I'm glad Square had the basic sense to make it accessible to new players on multiple consoles. 

My Ranking List:
1) FFVII
2) FFIX
3) FFVII: Crisis Core
4) FFVIII
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I kinda debated off and on making a "statement" about this subject, because as a trans person and just a person who uses the internet in general, I'm honestly sick of seeing this rehashed every single time J.K. Rowling says some shit on Twitter. That's not to say there aren't some good points being made or good conversations being had here and there, I just think the whole wider subject of the ethics of problematic media consumption can be an exhausting cycle of people seeking definitive black-and-white answers to something that is extremely subjective and context dependent. 

So the question is, for the nine-thousandth time within the past few years or so: is it okay for trans allies to continue being fans of Harry Potter? 

Hopefully, I don't have to summarize too much, but JKR recently "came out" as a TERF not too long ago and pretty much devastated a huge generation of queer and trans people, along with allies, who grew up with her work or for whom the franchise was a deep and pivotal part of their childhood. But not only is she simply content to have her shitty opinions privately, she actively promotes the voices of violently transphobic activists on her Twitter. She also aggressively targets trans individuals using her massive platform, subjecting some people to harassment. What a lovely lady. (Hopefully the sarcasm came through with that last sentence). 

Suspicions were raised about JKR's stance on trans people when screenshots of her Twitter likes began circulating around, showing her endorsement of anti-trans activists. A lot of people originally brushed it off as a fluke, but this changed towards the tail end of the 20-teens when she finally made her beliefs known on Twitter and confirmed some of people's greatest fears. It's clear that she isn't a bumbling older person on the internet who happens to have some misguided beliefs, but that she is openly and staunchly committed to anti-trans ideology. 

Even way before major criticisms about her hit mainstream discourse, I had always viewed JKR as a typical rich toothless, neoliberal celebrity who would throw out some feminism and allyship for certain causes when it would get her accolades. Harry Potter itself is a fairly politically milquetoast children's fantasy. Children, such as myself at one point, may be captivated by the lore and intrigue of the Wizard World, but there's nothing HP teaches that other YA out there hasn't, if not better. 

Nonetheless, I still had many good memories associated with Harry Potter from when I was young. I remember always admiring the iconic book covers standing out on the shelves when I would visit the children's reading section of the bookstore. They were the first books that got me into both reading and writing my own stories. I remember my younger brother and I collecting the dolls, playsets, video games, and magic wands inspired by the films. I remember going to see all the films with my grandmother on their premier dates and being in the packed theaters. I remember daydreaming and playing with my friends, roleplaying our original Hogwarts student characters on the playground or on Neopets message boards (who here remembers those times?) 

However, as I grew older and got into a variety of other media, I began to expand my literary tastes and slowly grew out of Harry Potter - not because I necessarily thought it was "bad," but because other media simply held my attention far greater or seemed more mature in scope. There's probably some other reasons I could list here as to why that is, but I don't want this to turn into a Harry Potter literary critique. I just want to emphasize that I truly did love Harry Potter at one point and despite the fact that I closed the HP chapter of my life long before I developed any of my current beliefs on politics or social issues, it does wound me to know the person behind the magic is such a callous individual.

Now, hypothetically speaking - what if I was one of the many adults that still deeply cherished Harry Potter and still considered myself part of the fandom to some degree? I know many queer and trans individuals who genuinely looked forward to JKR's new material, the upcoming Fantastic Beast films, and in recent times, the new Hogwarts-themed  open-world action RPG set to be released very soon. Should I still continue to consume the new Harry Potter content? 

Keep in mind: I am just one trans guy. I am also a fairly privileged trans person comparatively speaking to some other trans people out there. I don't want allies to use my words as the arbiter of their morals or life choices. I also don't want my perspective to be weaponized against other trans people who have differing views, or for my views to be held up as The One Trans Take on Harry Potter. Everyone should be listening to variety of trans people from all intersections and walks of life, knowing that we are all just people at the end of the day, and the most important thing is that you do make an effort to listen and be considerate. 

PERSONALLY, if you ask me - I don't think private enjoyment of Harry Potter content is necessarily harmful in of itself. Let's face it, I can't control if you rewatch all your DVD sets or reread your books or whatever else you indulge in. If your grandma surprised you with the Hogwarts Legacy game for Christmas and you play it just because it sounds good, I don't think God should come down and smite you. HOWEVER - I really think that people should reconsider their public endorsements of Harry Potter and their support for JKR's new work while she is alive and continues to actively oppose trans rights. I wouldn't buy her new books, I wouldn't go watch the new movies, and as much as I hate to say it - I wouldn't buy or stream the new video games. 

While yes, Harry Potter is a very large franchise at this point, with more than just one woman contributing to its success, I believe that the association with her and her work is just too intertwined for them to be clearly separated. I think I would feel differently if say, Harry Potter started off as a video game or film series and she was merely a leading contributor or a director who had only a fraction of influence to a project among dozens of others.

I also know her status as a billionaire doesn't mean she'll suffer too much from a boycott. However, "support" is more than just financial, and I think as long as Harry Potter continues to be a relevant cultural phenomenon, the longer JKR holds the social influence that she does and the more harm she's able to inflict on trans people. While I'm not a fan of performative allyship, there is value in symbolically refusing to engage with and uphold her life's work if you consider yourself someone who supports trans rights and respect the dignity and lives of trans people. 

I know it sucks for me to say this, but I DO feel a bit of unease around people who still proudly call themselves HP fans in light of what JKR has been saying all up and down Twitter these past years. I don't jump to condemn people or assign labels, but as a trans person I do have to have a moment of pause and suspicion when I see a cis person with their Hogwarts house in their bio or see their "personal hero" is Rowling.

Obviously, fuck you if you share her views or find them inconsequential or excusable, but if you want to be seen as an ally - at the very least, make it clear in some way that you can see the harm she's causing. It's not for me to say how you go about doing that at the end of the day, but the obvious and most easy way is to minimize HP as your focus and start supporting the work of other creators, maybe even *gasp* ACTUAL TRANS authors who are writing their own magical stories and YA fantasy material. I think if more people start finding alternatives to fill the gap Harry Potter may leave in their hearts is probably the most rewarding direction for us to collectively go, but as I said before - I can't make final decisions for people, just give my two cents to add to the conversation.  

I think there's definitely room to consume and discuss problematic media and creators out there; for me, it is all context dependent and should be treated with a person-by-person, case-by-case analysis. Maybe my mind will change at some point, or I'll encounter a view that will cause me to re-evaluate how I feel about engagement with HP, but for now that's my stance on the topic as a trans person, former HP fan, and person who loves books and media of all different levels of good and not-so-good.  
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So FINALLY after way too many months, I completed - for the very first time - Final Fantasy VIII: Remastered for the PS4. It was a long time coming only because I was in the process of a move among other issues that plagued my life in the mid-to-latter half of 2021, but last month I finally hunkered down and finished it. 

Coming into the game, I only vaguely knew a few of the characters, but very little about their actual roles, personalities, or abilities. My introduction to the Final Fantasy franchise was through Kingdom Hearts, so I was vaguely acquainted with Squall, Selfie, and Seifer through their incarnations in those games. I have also been exposed to some of the lore of the game via some Final Fantasy trivia type videos, but other than that - I didn't have any clue about the overarching story or gameplay mechanics. Totally fresh, 100% a first impression.

And even after having some time to really think about and process it all, I still have very mixed feelings about the game. On one hand, I did really appreciate the general themes, and I thought a lot of the characters were memorable and their stories compelling. Squall's journey from depressed, apathetic loner to confident hero who learns to protect and cherish his comrades is not a unique narrative, but I enjoyed seeing the growth nonetheless. Admittedly, there were many times I felt myself somewhat relating to his struggles as an older teen dealing with the heavy expectations of clueless adults, trying to involve him in their conflicts and the consequences of their collective fuck-ups. Although there were times when his reticence and broodiness got under my skin, I could easily see why he was the way he was and didn't blame him for being frustrated about expressing himself, being vulnerable, or trusting people. 

Zell, surprisingly, grew to be my favorite of the bunch. While in the beginning, he mostly appears to fit the clueless or comedy-relief sidekick trope, as the story progresses, he seems to have these remarkably mature and reliable moments, which illustrate why he was able to supersede someone like Seifer at becoming SeeD. Laguna was runner up for my next favorite for similar reasons. He's fun-loving, goofy guy, but is deadly serious about his convictions and goals. I also have a think for long/dark-haired pretty boys, but that goes without saying. This is a Final Fantasy game so there's bound to be at least one or two hot people. 

Rinoa was yet another character I grew attached to over time. At first, I thought she came on a little strong with trying to get Squall to "let his hair down" and be open about his feelings, but when it came to the greater issues at stake, it was good to see someone seriously challenge his apathy and cynicism. I enjoyed the slow burn romance between she and Squall, and yes - I admit that I DID cry during the "Eyes on Me" scene in the Ragnorak. Something about struggling through some of the most frustrating enemies in the game, going through an emotional space rescue mission, and then finally reuniting - only to hear that the person you've grown to love so much may never see you again, is devastating on many levels. 

That being said, there were some aspects of the story I felt were written and structured poorly. While I normally can enjoy a game despite a convoluted mind-fuck, time warping/time-hopping plot (I played all the KH games after all), it was hard keeping up with some aspects of the story during the end-game events and feeling everything come together. If stories are too complicated due to too many metaphysical aspects, it can muddy the emotional weight for me - even if the story is a fantasy. Final Fantasy VIII isn't Kingdom Hearts - it's not an absurd cross-over game built on a ridiculous premise, it's supposed to be somewhat grounded and realistic, and I felt like a lot of loose ends were left hanging once our attention shifted from warfare and political conflict to otherworldy time-compressing space witches. 

The gameplay is another aspect that is hard to really love. While eventually I did learn how to use junctions at the end of the game, I would much rather have preferred collecting accessories and stat buff equipment vs. the tedious act of constantly drawing spells or collecting items and cards to eventually refine into more spells. While I'm sure it is entirely possible to beat the game without magic mining and junctioning until you have the highest stats possible, it is immensely difficult to survive Ultimecia and other end-stage bosses without them - even if you grind for the highest levels for your party and gather all the most powerful weapons and Guardian Forces. After the sixth time Ultimecia had wiped the floor with my ass, I realized I needed to go back to the world map and grind for spells for three more hours before I could finally be successful at surviving past the third stage. And even then, by the time I was on the final stage, I was down to only two characters: Squall and Zell - with Zell mostly providing back up with Elixers while Squall parried away at the boss. 

Another aspect that I've seen criticized in fan circles is, aside from weapons and Limit Breaks, all party characters are essentially blank slates to be junctioned upon. Unlike FFVII where you had characters of different classes having different specialties, strengths, and weaknesses - the FFVIII characters are essentially interchangeable. For some people, this may give more ease and freedom to develop a favorite character or party set-up, but for me it wasn't as fun to just be able to hit a button, switch out some junctions, and not have to think carefully about developing each character for their specific attributes.

Visuals for the remaster were also so-so, but I was less concerned with this knowing there's only so much that can really be restored from a PS1 game. The cut scenes were gorgeous as ever, but sadly, the new HD models clashed horribly with the pixelated, low-resolution backgrounds. While on the PC, I know you can get mods and texture packs to make the backgrounds look more tolerable, I don't know if it's possible with a PS4 to do the same. That's not to say the backgrounds were ugly - it was just jarring to see a crisp, clean Dissidia NT Squall walking around in blurry PS1 Balamb or Trabia. 

Overall, despite its flaws, I would still recommend people at least try out FFVIII if they're fans of other FF games and want to try out a classic. I know for some people, it's a close favorite - either due to nostalgia, or favoring the different game play system, or a combination of reasons. Sadly, I would still have to place it as the lowest so far in my ranking of the FF series thus far. Maybe after some time has passed I can revisit it with a new perspective and maybe I'll change my mind about some of aspects I considered flaws. Sometimes my first impressions of things aren't always stellar - especially when there's a lot of new things for me to take in and digest before I start analyzing it further for pros and cons. 

Anyway, I've already begun Final Fantasy IX this week and so far I'm really enjoying that game! But more on that to come. 

My Ranking List:
1) FFVII
2) FFVII: Crisis Core
3) FFVIII



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Pendragon Adventures was a series I started reading on a whim in late middle school. Long story short, the first set of three books was on sale, and since it seemed remotely fantasy/adventure related, I thought I would give them a shot. I had passed the books on the shelves many times and the covers are very reminiscent of Harry Potter and many other children's book series at the time - dramatic painted portrait of male protagonist, front and center, with a colorful background alluding to whatever new world or themes would be included in the book. 

Unlike Harry Potter, the Pendragon books were never made into a series of blockbuster films - although sometime after the last novel was published, they did get some spin-offs and graphic novel adaptations. In hindsight, I'm somewhat glad that movies were never made, considering the track record of books I loved being made into shit movies at the time (I still can't forgive whoever destroyed my beloved Inkheart), and I always imagined Pendragon to be more of an animated show or comic more than a live-action movie. Okay, MAYBE I was obsessed with manga and anime a lot back then and ended up projecting it onto the series. I mean, they did make a manga of the Maximum Ride books so it wasn't like it wasn't impossible. 

So some time in 2020, I was feeling a bit nostalgic and was reminiscing about books I had read growing up. I had already re-read Harry Potter back in 2017, but unfortunately Joanne decided to out herself as a TERF not long after that. So with that piece of my childhood swiftly murdered, as small of a piece as it was, I decided to see if maybe there were some other books from "back in the day" that held up over time. Seeing that Amazon had the entire Pendragon collection in alternate soft-cover editions, I figured I would just buy those as opposed to the tedious and expensive process of flying to my parents' home and excavating them from whatever mountain of shit has been piling up in my old bedroom. Now, in 2022, I've decided to finally actually start reading those books. 

This past month, I finished the first installment of the series, The Merchant of Death. Upon opening the book and beginning the first few pages, I immediately was hit with "yep, this is a kid's book." The dialogue is a bit corny in that very 1990's sort of way that betrays the age of the very much adult author, despite being the first person perspective of a 14 year old boy. The writing, while not overly simplistic, is fitting for the 10-13 year old age range, and might be awkward for first time adult readers. However, despite the occasional cringey pun or terribly dated turn of phrase, Bobby Pendragon has a sense of humor, and while he has some very "chosen one" trope, Gary Stu-esque qualities, I personally found him to be likeable. The journals especially allow us to have a more direct window into his personality and emotional state, making it much easier to grow attached to him as a character. 

For those not aware of the premise, the Pendragon Adventures are about Bobby learning he is a "Traveler" - a person destined to travel through time and space to different worlds, called territories, on the brink of a turning point. Bobby, with his predecessor, Uncle Press, and a second young traveler, Loor, are tasked with ensuring that these turning points don't result in the destruction of these territories. Another Traveler and the main villain, Saint Dane, is attempting to sabotage these efforts in an attempt to throw the entire universe into a state of chaos for his own personal ends. So yeah - it's very much like Kingdom Hearts, but much more grounded in traditional sci-fi tropes and concepts as opposed to the convoluted "hearts/darkness" dichotomy. 

Travelers use a worm hole-type travel system called flumes to go from each territory, and upon arrival, they are to blend in with the customs and cultures native to that world. Bringing items from other territories or time-periods is not permitted - a rule that is a focal point for MoD. Essentially, the first world Bobby travels to is Denduron, which appears to have a high fantasy/medieval/European Dark Ages inspired theme where technology is set back thousands of years from the time period from which Bobby originates. The plot centers around two people groups, one of which (the Bedowan) has been historically oppressing the other (the Milago) through forced labor and poverty. This understandably fuels a violent uprising, where Bobby, Uncle Press, and Loor are caught in the middle.

The "journal" parts focus entirely on Bobby's point of view, for the most part, and they are laden with high-intensity action, suspense, plot-twists, and drama. Also, for a kid's series, there is a large amount of darker themes and violence. Literally within the first chapter, we get a taste of the extreme depth of Saint Dane's evil when, disguised as a police officer, he uses mind control powers to cause a houseless person to jump in front of a moving train. War, oppression, murder, and genocide are also very prominent themes in MoD, and based on my memory, exist throughout the entire series. Whether discussion of these themes hold up from the way my childhood self remembers them is something I will be discovering as I continue the remainder of the books. 

We get intermittent breaks from the action through third person perspective vignettes that focus on Bobby's girlfriend, Courtney, and his long-time best friend, Mark Dimond. Both Courtney and Mark are still back on Bobby's territory, Second Earth, and are going through their own daily lives while trying to investigate the fate of their friend. One major discovery is that Bobby and all traces of his entire family and past life on Second Earth have seemingly faded from existence. 

I plan on potentially writing an overall general review once I've finished all the books, but in the meantime, I've decided to do individual ramblings via vlogs, where I plan to maybe go deeper into the nuances of the writing and other criticisms I have about each book. I may link them all here - I'm not sure, but if I enjoy doing those, I may make them more of a routine thing. So far, it feels nice to have these kind of books to escape into while all the shit in the world is going to hell. Reading a little bit of the books every day before work kinda takes me back to my childhood when I'd watch anime and Transformer cartoons before school in the morning. 
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At the time I'm writing this, it's Thanksgiving Day in the US. It's been a while since I've updated my blog and a LOT has happened. Back in late October, I finally finished the FFVII Compilation and have started playing FFVIII. I also started replaying Animal Crossing again since I heard word about the new updates and DLC, and I've also decided to start up Ori and the Will of Wisps. In the mean time, I haven't really done much else except restarting my drawing class, reading more non-game related novels, and brainstorming new ideas for my comic(s). 

The FFVII novels are pretty decent and I highly recommend them if you want a solid background for the events of Advent Children. The Turk Side Story book could basically be skipped, as if gives only a scant bit of information on the origins of Kadaj, but On the Way to a Smile gives a lot of good context for all the characters following the events of the first game. Each of them are very quick to read and have expansion on certain characters' personalities and development. I think I appreciated the backstory fleshed out for Denzel - honestly, watching the original iteration of Advent Children, it was difficult to really appreciate him as a character as he's just plopped into the story without any explanation. Luckily, the Complete version of Advent Children does show a little bit of how he's introduced to Cloud and the others, but without the details leading up to that point, it's still difficult to emotionally connect with him. 

Anyway, after wrapping up the whole FFVII saga, I took my week-long vacation to my family's house. I was in a bit of a mental health slump, so sadly, I didn't really do much "productive" except for a tiny bit of brainstorming and drawing practice. Sadly, I still haven't managed to break out of this inspiration slump and lack of motivation for my creative work. I haven't figured out how to address this yet, but I'm trying to get back on a regular schedule and push myself to do some work - it's just hard when I'm in my depression lull and thinking/feeling emotionally in touch with my work is super difficult. I will talk a little bit about the ideas I've come up with in another entry when I feel more up for writing again. 

In the mean time, since it was Halloween season, I read the original Frankenstein novel by Mary Shelley. I have seen iterations of Frankenstein from film, but I've never read the book nor was I aware of the premise. It was surprisingly to learn that the book was less of a horror and more of a tragedy. As much as I hate to say it, the depressing self-loathing of both Frankenstein and the monster he created both resonated with me in different ways. 

After Frankenstein, I took a week long break from reading, then moved on to The Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. I bought the book a couple years ago after I grew somewhat interested in the NBC Hannibal TV series and wanted to know a bit about the general Hannibal source material. I never watched much of the show, but I had seen a lot of fandom content and I had seen the Jody Foster Silence of the Lambs film years earlier. I finished the book yesterday and I was very satisfied with the conclusion! The writing is solid and I enjoyed the twists and build up of the mystery. I am very much a fan of the type of crime novel where the mystery isn't the identity of the killer, but the build up of how they are tracked down by the protagonist, their inner psychic world/motives, and the complex clues they leave behind. I honestly expected Hannibal to have more prominent "page time," but I think his role in the story was fitting for shaping Will Graham's character. 

Books aside, I have really enjoyed playing Ori and the Will of Wisps. It is an absolutely fantastic sequel to "Blind Forest," which was already an amazing platformer-puzzle game. I will say more about Ori, and the other game I started - Tokyo Mirage Sessions - once I finish them both. FFVIII has also been interesting, but it's been slow-going because I did have to start over when I realized I had accidentally skipped some missable content. Whoops. 

Anyway, I've enjoyed my day off and mostly just took a long nap, ate a ton, and chilled out. Starting tomorrow, I go into my month-long hideaway phase as my city gets ready to explode for the Christmas season. Making a promise to myself that once the chaos dies down, I will work on that ol' social life and getting in touch with a therapist of some sort. Life's too short to feel shitty like this constantly. 
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Holy shit, it's been a while. This past week I moved out of my old apartment to my new place and I'm beginning the process of getting settled in to a new one. A lot has been building up to this, and I'm so happy to finally be in a place where I feel more comfortable. Since I've been busy with a lot of things in the meantime, I haven't had much energy or motivation to work on my creative endeavors, so after completely unpacking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I decided to use the rest of the time I had off work to catch up on some of the games and books that I've been slowly chugging through since around late August/early September. 
 
First, I finally completed my first ever playthrough of Crisis Core, the FFVII prequel on the PSP. I bought the game in 2020 about a month before the Remake was released and began playing, but because I was focused on Kingdom Hearts at the time, I put the game down for a while and vowed to restart it again once I began my Final Fantasy "saga" playthrough. And while I could have easily satisfied my curiosity about the story/continuity of the game by watching the cutscenes on YouTube, it was 110% more satisfying to actually play through the game. I feel like the graphics aged fairly well and there's a handful of lore and extras it offers that makes getting a rickety decade-old console worth it. 

Unlike the original game, Crisis Core is a third-person action RPG. While it has some turn-based qualities, it is more similar to Kingdom Hearts and newer Final Fantasy releases versus the traditional titles. During enemy encounters, you are given a customizable arsenal of materia and special attacks that you can use to your advantage. As you progress, certain materia can later be fused together for even more powerful abilities, etc. A major difference is that, as opposed to the traditional Limit Break and Summoning system, CC uses the "DMW" system to activate Limit Breaks, which basically looks like a reel of slots with portraits of different characters in the story. Whichever character appears three times determines the special attack or ability activated. Occasionally the character portraits will be replaced with Summons or "special characters" like Cactuar or Cait Sith. The DMW is not only affected by the damage you sustain in battle, but it is also affected by events or emotional points in the story, which I think is a clever way of enhancing the overall battle experience (also cue jokes about Zack being inconveniently horny whenever a female character pops up). 

Players can choose to solely advance through the story component, however, in order to obtain access to more powerful in-game materia, abilities, or DMW characters, you will need to complete Missions, which is this game's version of grinding. If anyone has played the Kingdom Hearts 358/7 Days game, the general format of missions may be familiar to you (which makes sense as these games were released within a year or two of each other and are both designed to have that mobile/pocket game type pacing). They can range from mind-numbing and repetitive, to seemingly impossible, depending on how far you've leveled up and progressed. I personally managed to finish 60% of the missions, with the remaining 40% requiring me to potentially grind further than I felt like at this time. I'd say it was still worth it, as I managed not only to obtain the most powerful summon, Bahamut Fury, but I also got access to a secret shop that supplied me with some pretty badass magic attacks. Missions are also a good source of collecting extra gear, materia, and items, as each mission "zone" has at least one or two treasure chests. So while for the most part, they aren't the most thrilling of experiences once you've played about 100 or more, there is quite a bit of reward for the effort. 

In addition to Missions, Crisis Core is still very much as explorable as the original FFVII, with side quests and little lore gems scattered throughout the different areas you visit within the progression of the narrative. By far, my favorites of the side quests were the "fan club" newsletters, which are centered around providing tidbits and personal details about the characters Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal, and the Seven Wonders of Nibelheim quest, which involved a bit of puzzle solving to "uncover" the nature behind different phenoma going on in the town. One thing I regret is that I was unable to unlock the Zack fanclub, which apparently requires getting a certain score on one of the minigames, but . . . maybe next time. 

As for the story itself, I enjoyed Crisis Core for the most part. Zack was a fun character to watch grow as a person, and I think it was an excellent choice to give him an upbeat/cheerful personality to contrast with the large cast of somber and gravely serious male protagonists within the franchise. While he does eventually mature and grow out of some of his quirks, mostly as a result of the loss of his mentor, his involvement in the Shinra/Genesis/Sephiroth conflicts, and the fact he's essentially betrayed by his employer and locked in a basement for years to be experimented on, he maintains a positive, even optimistic outlook. For me, its this optimism and determination that makes his eventual death all the more tragic and difficult to witness, as much as anyone who's played the OG game is aware of its inevitability. I also adored the touching moments between Zack and Aerith. While there's no "in your face" romance shown, it's very clear their care and affection for one another. I also really enjoyed seeing the relationship grow between Zack and Cloud. While unfortunately, Cloud is unconscious for a good chunk of his screentime (thanks to Hojo giving him Mako poisoning trying to fuse his cells with Sephiroths), in the times they interact, I loved seeing Cloud slowly change from feeling useless and being weighed down by low self-esteem, to steadily gaining a smidgen of confidence. 

Where Crisis Core falls short are the parts that revolve around the inclusion of Genesis Rhapsodos, one of the newly introduced characters to the compilation. Genesis and Angeal, Zack's mentor, are both first class in the SOLDIER program and are the "prototypes" for Sephiroth created by Dr. Hollander. We learn that both of them were unsuccessful experiments, as they have the ability to transfer their genetic information to other life forms, creating copies. However, this effect renders the genetics of Genesis and Angeal unstable, causing rapid and premature aging and physical degradation of their physical forms. For Genesis, this reality comes as a nasty surprise, when he is injured by Sephiroth during a sparring match and is unable to fully heal. Both Angeal and Genesis resent Shinra once they learn of their origins, but while Angeal more or less attempts to quietly abandon the organization, Genesis seeks outright revenge and relentlessly targets his former comrades and other symbols of Shinra's power. At the conclusion of the game, his hatred escalates to wanting revenge on the entirety of the planet, feverishly quoting lines memorized from the Loveless play. 

For me, Genesis is the quintessential late 2000's edgy anime villian, right down to the shaggy hair and blood-red trench coat. He's angry and brooding with a gothic bishounen/vampire flare, the latter aspect a direct homage to the Japanese rock singer who serves both as voice actor and inspiration for his likeness, Gackt Camui. (Truth be told, I was a Gackt fan back in the late 2000's, but it was a phase I quickly grew out of once I realized that much better music - and human beings in general - existed in the world of Japanese music, but that's a rant for another day). However, aside from his aesthetic and corny personality traits, Genesis presents a bigger problem for the story: continuity. 

While I hesitate to throw around words like "retcon," there are a lot of questions Genesis' existence brings to the table. His role as a villian itself isn't the problem, but moreso it's the role he plays in very pivotal moments in the story line of FFVII overall. Genesis' betrayal is the catalyzing point for Sephiroth coming to learn of his origins and his descent into madness. Genesis basically triggers Sephiroth to hole himself up in the Shinra mansion until he finally rages, destroying the entire town and killing most of the people residing within. Genesis is also present when Cloud, Tifa, and Zack first visit the broken Nibelheim reactor, in which there's an ensuing battle where Cloud is rendered unconscious. However, in the flashbacks Cloud has in FFVII, Genesis is not once mentioned. I guess technically you can make the argument that Cloud is an unreliable narrator due to trauma fucking up a lot of the accuracy of his memories. However, something tells me that if he can remember certain details, such as Sephiroth agonizing over the circumstances of his birth, he would be able to remember personally encountering one of Shinra's "most wanted." 

I know in games like this, it's sometimes expected there will be retconning to some degree and plot additions solely to flesh out and pad the story, but it's a bit more frustrating when events that carry so much weight could gravely distort the canon or could pose problems in the future for say - a remake of some sort. Wink wink. 

Overall, if I were to rank the game, I would give it a solid 4.5 stars. If you can get past some of the plot weirdness and the repetitiveness of a lot of the missions, there is a lot this little spin-off has to offer. The combat itself is challenging and there's a variety of strategy and abilities you can utilize for an enhanced experience. I felt like it was thoughtful and tragic prequel that not only provided expanded background information about life in SOLIDER and the main operations of the company, but also illuminated the effects of Shinra's corporate propaganda and influence on impressionable youth seeking purpose and self-actualization. Even though you know it's coming, Zack's death still hits like a ton of bricks, especially considering the connection I developed with him as a player. 

Anyway, because I've written a lot here, I'll be making a separate entry discussing both the remainder of the FFVII compilation and my first playthrough of The World Ends with You. See ya! 

The ranking thus far:

1. FFVII
2. Crisis Core FFVII

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So after . . . way too long, I decided to wrap up my playthrough of Final Fantasy VII for the PS4. Ideally, I wanted to try to platinum the game, but I wasn't looking forward to investing several more hours into even more grinding. Even with the gameplay at 3x speed, it reached a point where it was absolutely mind-numbing going back and forth in the same locations, to fight the same slew of enemies, for the same small pittance of an EXP/AP/gil reward. My brain can only handle so much repetitive tasks at this point, especially since my goal this year was to play through the other FF games.

(Doubtful I will be able to get through VIII-XV before 2022 at this point, but . . . that's what happens when you go through a shitty breakup, go into a mental health isolation spiral, and have a mentally exhausting day job. Yay!) 

I played FFVII earlier in 2019 on PC, and I still have the same appreciation for the story, characters, music, and backgrounds as I did then. Prior to my first playthrough, I was familiar with the general story, having watched Advent Children and played Dirge of Cerberus way back in 2007. Since websites like Steam didn't exist, and it was difficult to find copies of the PS1 version for a decent price, I never got to play the game before that point. I wasn't aware there was an earlier-released PC edition out there, otherwise I may have played that, but without a compatible controller for my laptop, I don't know if I would have enjoyed it the same way. And yes, I'm aware that the FFVII "compilation" is controversial for fans of the series, but the extreme hate doesn't seem to resonate with me. I have more to say on those, but for now I'll focus on the OG game. 

One thing I do wanna say about the compilation, is the main themes of the original game take quite a bit of a backseat. DoC and Advent Children focus primarily on character backstory/world development, wrapping up loose plot ends, or just introducing new characters or combat. While nothing is wrong with any of those choices, I feel like they undermine the powerful ecological and anti-capitalist messages of the OG game. I also thing OG did a better job of illustrating the bonds and relationships between the characters. One of my favorite scenes is when Cloud (suffering from an episode of Mako poisoning) and Tifa fall into the Lifestream, where she manifests in his subconscious and essentially helps him work through the complex trauma and issues of his past. It's an absolutely fantastic framing device to learn more about the two characters, and definitely solidified my support of the Cloud/Tifa ship. Even if you don't support them as a canon romantic ship, you gotta admit their relationship dynamic is beautifully written. 

In a way, I am glad I was able to experience this game for the first time as an adult with some formed opinions about the world and life in general. As a kid, my brain was basically focused on the edgy anime boys, dragons, and magic. I don't know if I would have been able to look past the atrocious polygons and appreciate the whole of what the game offers. I know it wouldn't be the first, since there was a LOT of media I saw through a weird lens back then. 

Since this would be my second time around playing the game, I took my time to accomplish some of the tasks I had previously skipped, such as breeding Chocobos. I found out that if you are leveled up enough, this is quite an easy and quick task, as you can one-shot kill surrounding enemies faster before the Chocobo runs away. As you can guess, I was subsequently able to finally get Knights of Round, which is truly an epic summon sequence. (Enabling me to destroy Jenova Synthesis in literally one turn, lmao). I also got everyone's strongest weapons and maxed out everyone's Limit Breaks with the exception of Cloud, since getting Omnislash requires significant grinding. For the same reasons, I also had to skip Emerald and Ruby Weapon. 

I'm not sure when I'm going back to complete the platinum. At the moment, I'm desperate to switch gears to the prequal installment of the compilation, Crisis Core. I am undecided if I want to simultaneously replay Remake, or at least complete some of the lower level trophies before restarting in Hard Mode. I honestly don't know where Remake will fit into my little Final Fantasy journey, but with the second installment of the game around the corner, I've considered maybe waiting until I can afford a PS5 and just replay with the Intergrade/Intermission version. No idea when that will be, though. I have a bunch of thoughts of Remake, but I might save that speech for another day. 

Anyway, ranking FF7 as a whole, I'll give it a solid 9.5/10, with the half point lost for ugly polygons and some of the lackluster gameplay mechanics. Since it's the only game I've played, it's gonna sit all by its lonesome on the ranking list I've started, but more games will surely make the list for comparison. 
  1. FFVII

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So in my slow-moving quest to create my own comic/graphic novel, I have started getting into the habit of drawing a bit every day. I try to dedicate at least an hour per day, but at max I'll try to go for two hours. Since I'm making an action-oriented comic, I mostly try to study and practice drawing poses, but the past week I've been trying to work on character facial expressions, color palates, and trying to figure out which line art/inking style I want for my work. At the same time, I am taking a beginner's class in figure drawing and anatomy through Udemy. I've been moving very slowly through the class - listening to one lecture a week and dedicating the whole week to doing the homework assignments. I would do more per day if it were possible - and at some point at the start of my journey, I did try to be a LOT more structured and hardcore about it. However, I have an entire separate full-time day job, and I was noticing "grinding" every night after work would cause my fatigue to get overwhelming - which impacted my mental health. The end result was I would feel frustrated and not have any motivation at all, which would make me discouraged about the whole process. 

This week, however, I decided I would take an enforced break of sorts and try to do a "reboot" on my motivation. I'll still do my art homework, but instead of doing practice, I'll catch up on playing games, reading, or another activity to kinda take a break and maybe remotivate myself on the process. Last week, I was a bit bummed out because my car has been inoperable, and I've been hemorrhaging money as a result of towing and paying for transportation to and from work. I've also been kinda going through what I call my periodic "slump" where I'm mostly able to function, but I start to lose a lot of motivation in certain aspects of my life aside from work and very basic maintenance level care of myself. It usually happens when something stressful like that happens, and I'm suddenly thrown out of my usual routine for one reason or another. I'm thinking of taking a week long art break every 7-8 weeks or so - even if I'm technically still "motivated" I want to have a chance to avoid getting burned out. 

So, in the meantime, I have been working my way VERY slowly through Final Fantasy 7 - the original game. It looks like I won't be able to complete my goal of finishing all my currently owned FF titles by the end of 2021, but I'm trying to avoid rushing and just enjoying the experience while trying to get as many PS4 trophies as possible. Continuing through the original game makes me very excited for the potential in follow-up installments of the Remake series. I'm super psyched to see features like the airship or boss battles like Diamond Weapon be in their full 4K HD rendered beauty. At least I'm hoping they'll stay true to most of the story of the game. Sadly, it will be a while before I get to enjoy anything past Part 1 considering I don't have a PS5 and won't for a while. 

In tandem with FF7, I have - for the THIRD time - restarted The World Ends with You: Final Mix. I think I tried to play it back in 2018 - then again in 2020 when I got my own Switch, and now again in 2021. This time I purchased a stylus that is compatible with the Switch since it's exclusively a touch screen based title ported over from the original DS. It's that feature alone that has frustrated me and kept me from continuing the game for long periods of time, but the stylus makes it much more bearable. Granted, it can still be aggravating if you have wrist or elbow issues, but the game feels like it is somewhat designed for frequent breaks and small bursts of playing as opposed to long periods of grinding. So far, it stands out in terms of character design, and the story is unique and intriguing. The music is hit or miss for me in terms of my personal tastes; I never was a huge fan of "techno/hip-hop/nu-metal" fusion type music, but it's catchy and it works for the urban fantasy setting. I'm very excited to finish up the game so that I can play the sequel that comes out later this month!

Between gaming and drawing, I have still been working through my collection of books and novels. This month I've been reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I enjoyed his work with Terry Pratchet, Good Omens, but this book is a little more difficult to put my finger on. It has some elements of what I call "Middle America/road trip fantasy," but there's some questionable racial/indigenous cultural fetishizing and stereotypes that kinda make me cringe severely. I wanna say it's the kind of stuff that hasn't aged well, but I'd argue it's never been acceptable - it's just white writers like Gaiman have had the privilege of being able to tell marginalized people's stories and religious histories without white publishers and readership questioning the portrayals. Call me a nitpick or "offended," but I guess my tolerance for that sort of thing has diminished the more I unlearn my own racism. 

Also side note: I've finally completed my collection of the Perfect editions of 20th Century Boys and I'm looking forward to continuing to read the series. Naoki Urasawa is such a fantastic story teller, and can't believe I slept on this series for so long. The way he builds suspense and crafts chilling mysteries and twists never fail to leave an impact on me. In addition to his series, I've also tried reading two series that are new to me, but are from the 80's and 90's: Berserk (RIP author Kentaro Miura) and Banana Fish. I hesitated with Berserk for a long time because I heard it was very graphic, but I'm kinda glad I took the plunge. Currently I'm on volume 10 of the series and the story is so much more than just pandering gore and fighting. I also really feel inspired by how detailed the art is for the various monsters and demons. The comic idea I have in mind is very monster centered, so I'm taking notes on how Miura made such terrifying/nightmarish images. 

Anyway, it's been good to vent/rave a little bit about my life thus far this summer. I know that nothing huge has happened, but I guess that's the best anyone can ask for in these times when so much is up in the air with a pandemic still raging on. I hope to make the most of my short art break and maybe I'll post some of my art and story idea progress on my comic-centered account at some point. 



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After volume 5, I decided I'm going to need to put it down - at least for the time being? 

My main complaint is the series suffers from some major tonal inconsistencies and a general lack of . . . direction, and when a series doesn't know where it's going, it's hard to stay invested and engaged in the characters and the story at hand. I think the core premise has potential to be interesting for sure, but maybe the execution is lacking.  

I've seen the series advertised as a mystery or detective drama, but after about 20 chapters, I get the feeling it's more of an action/thriller with some "found family" elements. It's also got some gag humor thrown in that quickly becomes one-note, and sometimes derails any proper build up or emotional scenes for me. 

I don't know - maybe at some point I'll pick the series back up and give it one more go, but for now I'm gonna be focusing on other things.

Fun fact though! Because of BSD, I decided to pick up a copy of Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human, and I can see why its so influential and impactful. It's quite a dark/heavy read; I may do some further "post reading" research on it and maybe I'll write about my final thoughts later! Junji Ito also illustrated a manga based on the book, so maybe I'll check that one out at some point too. 

Anyway sorry this was another whiny post where I complain about manga! 
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And I have a lot of feelings, most of them very good feelings. I will give some spoilers, so watch out ahead: 

For reference, I started reading these books nearly a year ago this month and was instantly hooked. I read them in the "chronological" order vs. the publication order, and I feel like that gave me a lot of background information and context for the mainline plot. The first two books are semi-episodic and introduce us to Geralt, Jaskier (Dandelion in the translation), Yennefer, Ciri/Ciri's origins, and generally establishes worldbuilding that takes place before the story that begins in Blood of Elves. These books are also generally more focused on the fantastical creatures and elements of the world: dragons, stregas, werewolves, Sylvans, etc. 

I slowly began completing the rest of the series throughout the year, taking unintended long breaks at times, but after a whirlwind of a year 2020 and the beginning of 2021 was, I had grown very close to all these characters, their universe, and it was bittersweet hitting that final page. 

As for why I started reading: I have played a bit of the first Witcher PC game and last year, I saw a bunch of people talking about the Netflix series, so naturally being a fan of books, I became very interested in the source material. I skimmed a couple of reviews and when I was ready, I dropped some cash on a boxset of all the books from Amazon.

I'm not going to bust out with an essay here, but this series has a lot of strong and engaging writing and characters which, I personally believe, carries throughout the series. As opposed to A Song of Ice and Fire, where the focus is primarily on clashes and drama between royal families and their family members, we see the lives of people on the periphery. Witchers, sorcerers, dwarves, elves, and other people who are considered "outcasts" or otherwise stigmatized by the rest of society for one reason or another, and how their lives get tangled in the web of those conflicts. 

I love Geralt's growth from being the quasi-rugged individualist type - and he is for good reason, people in his profession are not treated well by much of the world he lives in - to obtaining a "found family" he can trust, depend on, and feel vulnerable around. 

A lot of people on forums, etc. lauded this series for its progressive ideals, and for the most part I feel like that rings true. For the most part, the subject of disability and being marginalized is handled fairly well. Sapkowski also knows how to write women (hallelujah), and I feel like feminists would be fairly satisfied with a lot of themes of the book. However, like Persona 5, there are moments where the author interjects scenes, dialogue, or plot developments that unwittingly undermine the bigger messages. For example, I can't emphasize enough how much I hate it when sexual assault is used (sometimes in uncomfortably vivid language) to create conflict or as the primary device to promote character development. Unfortunately, a lot of this harm comes to the child character, Ciri, which is even more upsetting to me. Thankfully, these problems aren't a primary focus of the whole series and don't necessarily "ruin" the entirety of the books, although the ending of Baptism of Fire put a bad taste in my mouth and I had to take a hiatus from the series and focus on other things for a bit, not going to lie.

I'm not sure when I'll finally get around to watching the TV series or playing more of the games, but I hope to do that at some point this year. After Persona 5 and me getting "into" building my new world for the comic I want to write, I've been slacking on gaming and have been pootling through Final Fantasy VII in my quest to play all the FF games I have on PS4 this year. Work has been sucking, so all of my energy is sapped and it's hard balancing my desire to game, read, write, practice art, and all the other stuff I want to do this year. Adult life is hell of a ride, kids. 

Bakuman

Apr. 29th, 2021 09:49 pm
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Possible SPOILERS for the Bakuman manga ahead: 

Last week I finally finished the Bakuman manga. The series has a total of 20 volumes. I purchased the boxset back in 2019 and started reading it in late 2019/early 2020. I am a huge Death Note fan, so naturally I wanted to read more titles by the Takeshi Obata/Tsugumi Oba duo. Platinum End started being released in 2016-2017ish, and I kinda felt lukewarm on the direction of the story, although the art is absolutely stunning. Feeling like I could give them another chance, I decided to switch gears to another one of their titles: Bakuman. I heard a few people raving about it and figured that, despite the deviation from the dark/cult-hit/fantastical story-telling, that maybe we'd get a riveting look at the real lives of manga artists. And well, it was good - but definitely not as great as I expected. 

The manga is a comedy/slice-of-life/coming-of-age story about the life of a Shonen Jump manga artist duo from their middle school years to early adulthood. One of the duo, artist Moritaka Mashiro, wants to create a manga that will one day be animated so that his crush, Miho Azuki, can be the voice actress of the lead female character. When both of these goals are accomplished, the pair plan to marry one another. However, until that time, they make a vow to have limited contact with one another, only communicating over text message and voice calls.  Even though we do get some snippets here and there of Azuki's rise to success in her field of choice, most of the story's focus is on Mashiro, his writing partner, Akito Takagi, and the myriad of rival mangaka, assistants, and editors they encounter along the way. 

There is a wealth of information about the Japanese weekly manga publishing industry, and since manga publishing has been somewhat elusive to me, it was intriguing to see the progression of our two protagonists from making their first one-shot to getting one of their series animated. There is also a big cast of characters with strong designs and personalities that leave an impression, as expected from Ohba and Obata. Despite the ending being predictable and cliché, it was a bit emotional seeing some of the characters grow alongside their careers. 

I suppose the first of the major issues I had with the series was the overwhelming amount of sexism. Examples range from blatant "bold hot takes" about gender differences coming from the mouths of the main characters, to a bizarre, extremely overt fixation on women's sexual purity. Combined with the occasional smug and self-congratulatory light the main characters (and other male mangaka) are held in, there's a certain "glorified self-insert" vibe that permeates Bakuman's very awkward romantic side plots. 

Don't get me wrong - the art is fantastic and the story does have its moments. I think the "Nanamine arc" was one of my favorites of the series, mostly because we are introduced to an actual twisted and unpredictable antagonist, the type of which plays more to the strengths of Obha's writing.

Unfortunately, I'm still debating if this manga will become a permanent resident of my collection to be re-read at some point, or if I'm going to sell my copies and free up the shelf space. Maybe when it gets closer to the time I move out of my current place, I'll make a firm decision. 

Mushi-Shi

Apr. 20th, 2021 03:08 pm
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A lot of people may or may not remember this series, but when I started reading it - it was one of those "hidden gems" that went mostly untouched on the book shelves in stores. I remember the art and story really having an impact on me, and I had collected all of the volumes by the time I finished high school.

Unfortunately, I have no idea what happened to my copies - whether they ended up being lost in a move, or if they're still at my dad's house buried with all my other used books and other manga series I lost interest in/stopped collecting (Yu-Gi-Oh, Naruto, Bleach, etc.) 

I was hoping maybe to repurchase the collection, but sadly they are basically non-existent in English. All out of print. I mean, of course there's the sliver of a chance they'll be reprinted at some point, but it kind of bewildered me there aren't any in second-hand stores that aren't for a ridiculous price. The whole collection is $2000 on Ebay, for example. I mean, I loved the manga and all - it's one of the best ones I've ever read if I'm honest - but I'm not quite that desperate. Luckily, they're digitally available, but I'm a collector at heart and much prefer reading books than reading off screens. 

I want to say I faintly remember seeing the series at a used book store in town at one point, so I may end up driving over there to check it out, but if I'm unlucky there, I may just have to fly home whenever I get another chance to take time off and excavate through my old collection. I really hope I'm lucky and find what I'm looking for! They're basically gold at this point! 

I guess it makes sense as the main volumes were published by Del Rey, which is a defunct publisher - same reason you can't find old volumes of Fruits Basket or other popular mid-aughts titles anymore, unless a new publisher decided to recirculate them. Anyway, if I found them, I'm sure I could keep them close and not sell them, unless of course some really nice reprints come out again.

So far, I've been seeing a lot of great series pop back up again - for example I started collecting Akira, Hellsing, and Gantz because of omnibus re-prints. So there's always hope! Especially considering it's an award-winning series. 
doom_qu33r: (Default)
Because I don't have enough manga, right? My huge Ikea bookshelf is already overflowing with books and I'm stacking books on top of books and it looks like an absolute trainwreck. I'm kinda regretting doing this since I'm moving this year, so that means I'm gonna need a LOT more boxes to carry all my shit in. Great. 

Spoiler warning, just in case - though nothing super major: 

Thus far, I have been reading a lot of series simultaneous on a "rotation" of sorts so that I get through more series and have some variety. I am just about to wrap up Bakuman - I am on Volume 20, which I will definitely write about more at some point. I am also in the middle of Dr. Stone, which is entertaining and has some great art and character designs. The story is hit or miss - sometimes the comedic elements undermine the more touching and serious moments, and it suffers from some typical Shonen story-telling problems re: weird fan service, pacing issues, etc. However, I've hit chapter 139 and it looks like we're going to get a shocking/major reveal after a very bizarre side arc where we learn about the technology that causes the petrification on a smaller level. 

I am also still reading My Hero Academia. As far as English volumes published, I am caught up to volume 27. I know I could probably read ahead online, but it's annoying to me to have to keep up with scanlation sites, especially since most of them don't last very long before being shut down due to DMCA issues. (Also, I learned to hate scanlations back in the age of crappy WiFi and dial-up, where it would take almost 10 minutes for a single page to load). The only manga to date that I have read scanlations all the way through was Goodnight PunPun and Gantz - the latter mostly because a friend really wanted me to read it and Dark Horse had yet to re-publish the manga at that time.

Anyway, I honestly still enjoy MHA. It has some nicely written emotional moments, and I feel like the interactions between the characters feel like how real high schoolers would interact. I am around Chapter 225 at this point, and at this point we're getting a little more spotlight on the main villian characters, and hopefully another compelling arc where we see more growth with Deku and the others. I am kinda curious about Todoroki is going to deal with being trained again by his abusive father. Ideally, I would have liked to see him pick another mentor, but maybe there will be some resolution where Endeavor learns that forgiveness still isn't guaranteed even once "atonement" is reached. Honestly, the part where he's sending texts to Shoto kinda made me think of my own relationship with my own parents and shitty exes that I will not get into. 

The third series I've started is Persona 3. I don't have a PS2, so I can't play the original game (crossing my fingers for a port at some point for PS4 or Switch), so I figured the manga would be sufficient and as true to the plot as possible. So far, I enjoy the art and the premise, but I'm not going to lie that it is very difficult to follow the plot at times. I kinda wish the manga was written with people who had not played the game in mind, because it feels like it's more directed at the OG gamers than new comers to the Persona series. But just as an example, there was a new young boy character that popped up in the dormitory who was not named, but all the characters seem to know this person - like he was just brought out of the blue with no proper introduction. Maybe there's context for this, but I was super confused, even after backtracking and re-reading the segment. 

Finally, the newest series I've started are Bungou Stray Dogs and a new manga I spotted on the shelves called "Phantom Tales of the Night" - apparently by the same manga-ka who wrote Vampire Knight. Bungou is a weird one for me because I am attempting to read it again after not being too invested in the manga after the first volume confused the hell out of me. However, for some reason I felt compelled to give it another chance, so that's what's I'm currently doing. I still think it isn't a strong manga, but I do enjoy the art immensely. Dazai is definitely a character I have complicated thoughts on. The repeated "suicide" gag struck me as very insensitive at first, but as a very depressed person, I found it strangely cathartic on a second read? I mean it isn't a writing choice I would ever personally make, but I guess it makes sense considering it's an homage of sorts to the author he's based around. Would not recommend it to kids or anyone who feels uncomfortable with that subject though. 

Phantom Tales is kinda the same way - story is "alright" (so far) but the art is fantastic, breath-taking even. The premise definitely has very heavy xxxHolic inspiration: you have a typical high schooler protagonist who finds himself wandering into a mysterious inn run by an even more mysterious owner; the owner accepts secrets as currency instead of money. Obvious supernatural elements are involved that complicate the life of the aforementioned high schooler, along with a cast of other characters. Also like xxxHolic, there's a blending of very dark/sinister vibes with comedy that deepens the intrigue of the series. I wasn't floored by the first volume, but my interest is peaked enough to continue. 

I think the only one I didn't mention yet was Beastars, which I believe is ramping up to a close very soon. Volume 11 was definitely one of the most intense/weird/violent what I've read and not remotely where I was expecting the story to go. I always thought it was awkward whenever the manga veered into focusing on fighting and gang wars, etc. I think what was so compelling about the series - that sucked me in - wasn't the super high stakes drama that I've encountered in all the manga I previously mentioned, but the interpersonal drama between the characters. I was hoping the manga would stick to focusing on that, but we'll see where the rest of the story goes. I'm not saying it's "bad" from a writing standpoint, I just personally feel the shift is awkward. 

That about wraps everything up on my reading list - I'll definitely be spewing more in-depth takes as more and more chapters are released! Honestly, I'm excited. Manga has really come a long way in terms of art and story despite a lot of it still being mediocre and overly unoriginal/derivative, but I'm happy to continue this hobby I've had since middle school. 
doom_qu33r: (Default)
You can dislike a well-written character, just as you can like a poorly written character. Obviously, the latter type character is easier to appreciate because you can empathize with their motivations, even if you don't agree with them - or in the very least you can enjoy the mystery of the character and the dimensions to their personalities.

But here's the thing, no one has to or even expects someone to have affection for the character, and explanations for actions are not excuses for actions. For example, sometimes characters who experience certain types of trauma can go on to do reprehensible things or be assholes. The trauma being explained is not "oh look at this poor baby, we need to love him now" - it's just giving context. It's entirely possible to have context for someone's behavior, and maybe what lead them down the road to doing something shitty, without defending the actions, or needing to defend the character if they were not fictional.  

I just needed to get this off my chest because I see so many people having fights about this subject when it comes to villians or antagonists. If you "like" or want to discuss a well-written character who does shitty things, that means you approve of them, defend them, or agree with their philosophy. And yeah, there are some edge lords who may think, say, Joker (referring to the Batman villian) is meant to be a "role model" or someone to emulate, but for the most part I don't see people simping for villians like that. 

Let me also say that there are times when people hate on characters using oversimplifications of who they are, or use arguments that demonstrate poor understanding of the story or the writing. When you try to engage with these people, they accuse you of "justifying" the characters actions, woobifying them, excusing them/handwaving their actions, etc. when that may not even be REMOTELY the case. And just to be clear, I don't necessarily always agree with people who DO do that.

I mean, Mello is my favorite character from Death Note, and probably all of manga if I'm honest, but I don't consider him a "good" person nor do I agree with the weirdos in the fandom trying to imply he is an innocent baby boy or something. And the story of Death Note doesn't convince anyone of that either, so it makes no sense anyway. But me liking him, a fictional being, is for entirely separate reasons - none of which have anything to do with his moral compass. 

I don't know, I've always seen this conversation popping up every once in a while in fandom, and it can be insufferable and get out of hand at times. Don't even get me started on "morally ambiguous/morally gray" characters. Good lord, the discourse can particularly a train wreck in that department. 
doom_qu33r: (Default)
So after FOUR long and emotional months, I finished AND got the PS4 platinum trophy for Persona 5 Royal. I can confidently say that I think this game was one of the best JRPG's I've played in terms of story and characters (thus far). Of course, it wasn't perfect by any means - wish they had treated the queer community just a bit kinder and made the adults non-romanceable for my minor main character (kinda undermines some of the core morals of the story), but personally, I am able to hold these aspects with criticism while enjoying the other offerings of the title.

Spoiler warning for the next paragraphs just in case. 

Read more... )
doom_qu33r: (Default)
It's hard to believe it, but March is here yet again and lately I've been deep into Persona 5 Royal and fleshing out an original story I've come up with that I want to eventually either make into a graphic novel or webcomic. Depression and OCD-related rumination has been kicking my ass though, so being motivated to actually work on the story has been an uphill battle. I've had the energy to jot down some plot points and ideas, but definitely haven't been invested into full fleshing anything out. 

In the midst of this depression, I've been watching a LOT of YouTube and lately stumbled upon Billiam's channel. He covers a lot of throwback electronics, toys, and TV shows from the late 90's and early to mid-2000's which was the time I spent growing up. A couple of his videos talked about Yu-Gi-Oh, which was a show I was obsessed with when I was in elementary and middle school. Lot's of cringe memories came back to me, but it was interesting learning about the backstory to the manga, anime, the card game, films, and spin-off series. Call it morbid fascination moreso than an insatiable desire to learn more about a childhood favorite. 

Occasionally when I watch nostalgia-based videos like that, the comments or the creator talks about "fondly remembering" the franchise or always having a soft spot for whatever it is, and I noticed I really don't have that for Yu-Gi-Oh. I have that for Kingdom Hearts, and to a small degree Neopets, GaiaOnline, and old OC's I made back in the day, but anytime I look back at Yu-Gi-Oh - I feel no lingering connection. I collected all of the manga, collected thousands of cards that I lovingly place in binders and plastic protectors, and watched the anime anytime it came on TV. I even read and wrote fanfiction, drew fanart, and researched all of the information about the characters on the fan Wiki. However, unlike some of the other series I don't have a desire to re-visit any of it except maybe Season Zero. I tried watching some episodes of the sub to see if that made a difference since 4Kids dubs don't do much favors for any anime, but so far the only yearning it gave me was to re-watch the Abridged series by Little Kuriboh. 

I think seeing the overload of cynical marketing is a primary reason I can't revisit it without feeling strangely repulsed. With Kingdom Hearts, sure it was a lot of advertisement and it had it's own gimmicky shit, but you could feel like the sincerity in the writing was coming from somewhere genuine even if it was corny and "fake deep" at times. Yu-Gi-Oh feels like it's not even trying to get anyone above the age of 10 to enjoy the series. Mediocre art and animation aside, most of the writing is too poor and lazy to even be a little bit charming or memorable. Maybe the first season had some moments - I remember as a kid being impacted by a few of the episodes of the Duelist Kingdom arc, which humanized a lot of the characters, and I kinda liked how the Battle City arc expanded upon the card game rules and went into greater depth about the lore surrounding the Millennium items, but that's about it. 

I guess it's perfectly normal to move on from kid stuff, but I expected even SOME smidgen of endearing emotion towards this anime or the card game. I realized that a surge of interest in old card games has been surging a lot among millennials in my age range so maybe if I get a chance to go back to my dad's house anytime soon I can consider selling them at some point for some extra cash. 
doom_qu33r: (Default)
 Danganronpa V3 Major Spoilers ahead:

Read more... )
doom_qu33r: (Default)
 Funny-ish story: I accidently took four melatonin last night (about 25 mg total) and had something similar to a sleep paralysis type experience. Not exactly, because I KNEW I was still asleep and still dreaming, but no matter what I did, I couldn't wake up or move or scream. I was basically being "swallowed" by this shadowy intruder entering my room. I didn't feel any pain, just pure terror. Also, my IBS was flaring up most of last night so that didn't help when I finally woke up and was trying to calm myself down and go back to sleep. Then my cats woke me up  . . . then my alarm went off . . . and you can imagine how shit went from there. 
 
Anyway, as of today - I thought of some new ideas for an OC I want to make. I've been perusing some subforums dedicated to snarking on Christian fundamentalists (the religion I used to be a part of) and thought of some potential stories for this character. Not sure if I want to make them a cis girl or a trans dude/enby buuuut I figure that it'll come to me at some point. I can probably think of some very funny/interesting scenarios based on my personal experiences. I figured for fun I could do what I planned on doing for some of my other characters and making them "journals" to write in to help flesh them out. I also made a folder in my iPad with random idea notes so that I can make sure to keep track of any spur of the moment ideas I get because I'm absolutely terrible at keeping track of those. Kinda wish I did that more back in undergrad when I was constantly daydreaming about different ideas and losing them quickly - sometimes forever as my memory has gotten more shit over time. 
 
Before sitting down to write this, I also finished up the fourth trial of Danganronpa V3 and I'm still emotionally reeling from it. I think by far it has the best writing of all of the trials so far and that twist . . .damn. I enjoy the psychological manipulation of the story by the player and the misleading "fake outs" and other twists that get you to really think past the obvious - or when the "lead" is the correct answer all along and there were a lot of distractions and red herrings/pseudo-red herrings that you need to sort through to finally confirm your suspicions. I also don't mind the new mini-games and challenges like the Taxi or the Mind Mine games, although for the most part they are ridiculously easy if you are playing on a standard level (and there's nothing wrong with that because fuck playing this game on the highest difficulty after I've been through the ringer at work all day). I think just because the story has picked up, I'm going to put P5R on the backburner for a while until I wrap it up at least for the first playthrough which shouldn't be long since the weekend is coming up and if this game is anything like the other titles, I should only have a a few more major chapters to go before the finale. 
 
I'm really psyched to see how THIS is all going to come together, although I have my suspicions about a few things. . . we'll see. 

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