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It's been a few weeks since I finished this game, but I'm excited to finally talk about it. I guess you can assume I'll be mentioning spoilers here, so skip this if you wanna play this game with fresh eyes or you just generally don't wanna see me fanboy about video games again. Long post ahead, so sit tight. 

Gameplay/Mechanics:

Like with FFVIII, I have never played this game before and had no idea about the storyline prior to playing. I was vaguely familiar with a handful of the character cast, namely Zidane, Vivi, and Kuja, but no one else. I was also aware of the premise of the game being "returning to one's roots," and that it was intended to be an homage to all the previous Final Fantasy games, specifically the pre-FFVII titles. I really enjoyed the blending of high fantasy and steampunk elements, and I absolutely adored the colorful, immersive environments and the character designs. It isn't "chibi," but strikes a comfortable balance of being whimsically cartoon-ish while still being realistic enough to carry the emotional weight of the story; they seem like characters that fit seamlessly within the world around them, as opposed to the unsightly, clunky polygons of FFVII. As always the music was fantastic, but that's a given for pretty much any Final Fantasy title. 

Playing the PS4 HD version, the game does suffer the same issues as FFVIII in that the pre-rendered backgrounds don't get much of a polished upgrade compared to the character and enemy models. This can make traversing the more complex environments a challenge at times, but it is more of an occasional inconvenience than anything else. PC gamers should be able to find some decent texture mods to upgrade their gaming experience if they so choose. 

In the spirit of "returning to roots," the game THANKFULLY goes back to the traditional leveling, magic ,and abilities systems that have been a mainstay in pretty much most J-RPG's in existence. While we are still given an annoying optional card game (one I ignored for pretty much the entire game, as I did with Triple Triad), gone are the junctioning system, the draw system, the GF's, and the refining system. In this game, we are once again given a wide selection of equippable items and accessories, each endowed with their own sets of abilities, passive effects, and stat buffs. If enough AP is accumulated while the item is in use, these abilities can be permanently inherited by the wearer. With leveling, every character is able to collect special "magic gems" which allows them to expand the limit of abilities they can have simultaneously active. 

A teensy downside is that all abilities - both inherited and exclusive to currently equipped items - need to be manually added and are not always automatic, especially the passive effects. Little ol' me didn't realize this until I was at end game and was struggling with a very difficult boss fight that was leaving me perplexed. Specifically, it was Tiamat - one of the many bosses you encounter in Memoria. Basically, she can cast a type of multi-target status effect capable of instantly killing a party member the moment it takes an action. Luckily, if all your characters have the "Body Temp" ability, they can be completely immune to the status. 

So for 70% of the game, I was completely ignorant of this untapped potential and was basically relying on weapons, leveling, and sheer luck to pull me through some of the trickier late game fights. Once I had that first "holy shit" moment, the following fights were significantly less daunting and I was way more successful. To my surprise, I even managed to make it through the triple fight with the Silver Dragon, Kuja, and Garland with only one full party K.O.

Needless to say, this game made me appreciate the art of managing buffs/debuffs and status effects/wards so much more than I used to as a long-time J-RPG player. In years past, I would simply rely on luck and hours upon hours of grinding. I would try to get strong enough to where I could simply take more hits and basically breeze through any late game challenges without a sweat. I disregarded items that offered anything but stat increases and avoided concerning myself with abilities and skills that weren't strictly for dealing direct damage or healing. FFVIII was my first moment of reckoning where this paradigm was challenged, and I was forced to change the way I approached these games. With FFIX I could theoretically go with my initial play style and probably wouldn't have been worse for wear, but having gone through the tedious process of grinding in FFVII so many, many months ago, I didn't want to go through millions of mind-numbing random encounters again. I wanted to see the end of the game NOW, damnit! 

While there was a point where I did do a small bit of grinding, it wasn't an excessive amount, and it was really to make sure my party had enough HP and defense to avoid being one-shotted, not because I wanted them to be comically overpowered. When I changed my mindset and actually started to strategize, I ended up having a blast and feeling a greater sense of accomplishment as I powered through each new challenge I encountered. 

Characters/Story:
As for the characters, I pretty much fell in love with them in some way or another. In terms of strictly gameplay, I had a huge soft spot for the non-human characters, Freya and Quina. Freya is a Burmecian who plays the dragoon/red mage role; my favorite strategy with Freya was to use her Jump ability, which rockets her above the field until her next turn. This allows her to evade damage or negative status effects between turns, while still dealing significant damage. It's not foolproof, but it comes in handy in a pinch. Quina is a member of the Qu, a group of marsh inhabitants that are present on every major continent in Gaia. They are a Blue Mage and are a character primarily devoted to inheriting skills from enemies that they consume, kinda similar to the Enemy Skill ability from FFVII. The process of "eating/cooking" enemies is tricky - they must be eligible to be eaten and low enough in HP to be vulnerable - however the results can be quite rewarding. One move that saved my ass many times was the status effect "Bad Breath" which can cast Blind, Silence, and Confuse on multiple targets. They can also learn to use other powerful moves like Holy and Death, which sharply contrasts with their cutesy and innocent design and demeanor. 

The main character, Zidane, was generally unimpressive on the battle field until his Trance abilities were unlocked. It was incredibly satisfying when I could finally whip out Grand Lethal and deal 9999 damage on an imposing foe. As for the character himself, Zidane could be annoying at first with his excessive flirtatious behavior, but I became deeply empathetic to the way he responded to the complicated and tragic circumstances witnessed on his journey, and the knowledge about his origins as a Genome. I wouldn't say it was a strictly "loss of innocence" type narrative, but I could relate to the turmoil of emotions that come along with understanding the darker and less idyllic aspects of the world, and knowing that you have to act instead of going back to that state of innocence.

Similarly, I could sympathize to Garnet's own turmoil with regard to her feelings towards her adopted mother, Queen Brahne, despite the queen attempting to extract Garnet's powers to cause worldwide mayhem and destruction; her guilt and conflicting feelings about the other characters putting their lives on the life for her sake somewhat resonated to a certain degree with my own difficulties with accepting outer community support and help. It was quite wholesome and memorable to see Zidane talking her through her feelings for reassurances, and to help her reframe the situation in her head as being not just about others fighting for her sake, but that each of them have their own motives and goals. 

Kuja, Zidane's brother who was also a Genome created by Garland, was probably one of my favorite villains out of the games I've been able to play so far - not because of his unforgiveable acts, but for how he is portrayed and his role in the story. Not only is his design extremely striking and very unique, but there is something palpable about the raw rage and jealousy that drives his heinous, omnicidal rampage. Unlike Sephiroth and Ultimecia, who's motives (in my opinion) leaned towards the otherworldly and metaphysical, Kuja's childlike insecurity, narcissism and hatred are rooted in strong emotions that are probably to some degree relatable on the level of an average person: his feelings of rejection by his "father," his feelings of being useless and being replaced, and his shame over his origins as a being created solely for the purpose of Garland's soul transfer experiments. As others have pointed out, it was also interesting to see Kuja have what appeared to be a genuine change of heart at the end and realize the weight of the pain and destruction he's caused. 

Overall, I was VERY satisfied by this game and can definitely see myself returning to play it again. Rumors are circulating about a remake and a children's TV show being in the works, so I wonder what plans are in store for potentially reviving this game's legacy. It is a shame that it did end up getting swept under the tide of notoriety on the cusp of Final Fantasy X and the PS2's release, and I'm glad Square had the basic sense to make it accessible to new players on multiple consoles. 

My Ranking List:
1) FFVII
2) FFIX
3) FFVII: Crisis Core
4) FFVIII
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I kinda debated off and on making a "statement" about this subject, because as a trans person and just a person who uses the internet in general, I'm honestly sick of seeing this rehashed every single time J.K. Rowling says some shit on Twitter. That's not to say there aren't some good points being made or good conversations being had here and there, I just think the whole wider subject of the ethics of problematic media consumption can be an exhausting cycle of people seeking definitive black-and-white answers to something that is extremely subjective and context dependent. 

So the question is, for the nine-thousandth time within the past few years or so: is it okay for trans allies to continue being fans of Harry Potter? 

Hopefully, I don't have to summarize too much, but JKR recently "came out" as a TERF not too long ago and pretty much devastated a huge generation of queer and trans people, along with allies, who grew up with her work or for whom the franchise was a deep and pivotal part of their childhood. But not only is she simply content to have her shitty opinions privately, she actively promotes the voices of violently transphobic activists on her Twitter. She also aggressively targets trans individuals using her massive platform, subjecting some people to harassment. What a lovely lady. (Hopefully the sarcasm came through with that last sentence). 

Suspicions were raised about JKR's stance on trans people when screenshots of her Twitter likes began circulating around, showing her endorsement of anti-trans activists. A lot of people originally brushed it off as a fluke, but this changed towards the tail end of the 20-teens when she finally made her beliefs known on Twitter and confirmed some of people's greatest fears. It's clear that she isn't a bumbling older person on the internet who happens to have some misguided beliefs, but that she is openly and staunchly committed to anti-trans ideology. 

Even way before major criticisms about her hit mainstream discourse, I had always viewed JKR as a typical rich toothless, neoliberal celebrity who would throw out some feminism and allyship for certain causes when it would get her accolades. Harry Potter itself is a fairly politically milquetoast children's fantasy. Children, such as myself at one point, may be captivated by the lore and intrigue of the Wizard World, but there's nothing HP teaches that other YA out there hasn't, if not better. 

Nonetheless, I still had many good memories associated with Harry Potter from when I was young. I remember always admiring the iconic book covers standing out on the shelves when I would visit the children's reading section of the bookstore. They were the first books that got me into both reading and writing my own stories. I remember my younger brother and I collecting the dolls, playsets, video games, and magic wands inspired by the films. I remember going to see all the films with my grandmother on their premier dates and being in the packed theaters. I remember daydreaming and playing with my friends, roleplaying our original Hogwarts student characters on the playground or on Neopets message boards (who here remembers those times?) 

However, as I grew older and got into a variety of other media, I began to expand my literary tastes and slowly grew out of Harry Potter - not because I necessarily thought it was "bad," but because other media simply held my attention far greater or seemed more mature in scope. There's probably some other reasons I could list here as to why that is, but I don't want this to turn into a Harry Potter literary critique. I just want to emphasize that I truly did love Harry Potter at one point and despite the fact that I closed the HP chapter of my life long before I developed any of my current beliefs on politics or social issues, it does wound me to know the person behind the magic is such a callous individual.

Now, hypothetically speaking - what if I was one of the many adults that still deeply cherished Harry Potter and still considered myself part of the fandom to some degree? I know many queer and trans individuals who genuinely looked forward to JKR's new material, the upcoming Fantastic Beast films, and in recent times, the new Hogwarts-themed  open-world action RPG set to be released very soon. Should I still continue to consume the new Harry Potter content? 

Keep in mind: I am just one trans guy. I am also a fairly privileged trans person comparatively speaking to some other trans people out there. I don't want allies to use my words as the arbiter of their morals or life choices. I also don't want my perspective to be weaponized against other trans people who have differing views, or for my views to be held up as The One Trans Take on Harry Potter. Everyone should be listening to variety of trans people from all intersections and walks of life, knowing that we are all just people at the end of the day, and the most important thing is that you do make an effort to listen and be considerate. 

PERSONALLY, if you ask me - I don't think private enjoyment of Harry Potter content is necessarily harmful in of itself. Let's face it, I can't control if you rewatch all your DVD sets or reread your books or whatever else you indulge in. If your grandma surprised you with the Hogwarts Legacy game for Christmas and you play it just because it sounds good, I don't think God should come down and smite you. HOWEVER - I really think that people should reconsider their public endorsements of Harry Potter and their support for JKR's new work while she is alive and continues to actively oppose trans rights. I wouldn't buy her new books, I wouldn't go watch the new movies, and as much as I hate to say it - I wouldn't buy or stream the new video games. 

While yes, Harry Potter is a very large franchise at this point, with more than just one woman contributing to its success, I believe that the association with her and her work is just too intertwined for them to be clearly separated. I think I would feel differently if say, Harry Potter started off as a video game or film series and she was merely a leading contributor or a director who had only a fraction of influence to a project among dozens of others.

I also know her status as a billionaire doesn't mean she'll suffer too much from a boycott. However, "support" is more than just financial, and I think as long as Harry Potter continues to be a relevant cultural phenomenon, the longer JKR holds the social influence that she does and the more harm she's able to inflict on trans people. While I'm not a fan of performative allyship, there is value in symbolically refusing to engage with and uphold her life's work if you consider yourself someone who supports trans rights and respect the dignity and lives of trans people. 

I know it sucks for me to say this, but I DO feel a bit of unease around people who still proudly call themselves HP fans in light of what JKR has been saying all up and down Twitter these past years. I don't jump to condemn people or assign labels, but as a trans person I do have to have a moment of pause and suspicion when I see a cis person with their Hogwarts house in their bio or see their "personal hero" is Rowling.

Obviously, fuck you if you share her views or find them inconsequential or excusable, but if you want to be seen as an ally - at the very least, make it clear in some way that you can see the harm she's causing. It's not for me to say how you go about doing that at the end of the day, but the obvious and most easy way is to minimize HP as your focus and start supporting the work of other creators, maybe even *gasp* ACTUAL TRANS authors who are writing their own magical stories and YA fantasy material. I think if more people start finding alternatives to fill the gap Harry Potter may leave in their hearts is probably the most rewarding direction for us to collectively go, but as I said before - I can't make final decisions for people, just give my two cents to add to the conversation.  

I think there's definitely room to consume and discuss problematic media and creators out there; for me, it is all context dependent and should be treated with a person-by-person, case-by-case analysis. Maybe my mind will change at some point, or I'll encounter a view that will cause me to re-evaluate how I feel about engagement with HP, but for now that's my stance on the topic as a trans person, former HP fan, and person who loves books and media of all different levels of good and not-so-good.  
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So FINALLY after way too many months, I completed - for the very first time - Final Fantasy VIII: Remastered for the PS4. It was a long time coming only because I was in the process of a move among other issues that plagued my life in the mid-to-latter half of 2021, but last month I finally hunkered down and finished it. 

Coming into the game, I only vaguely knew a few of the characters, but very little about their actual roles, personalities, or abilities. My introduction to the Final Fantasy franchise was through Kingdom Hearts, so I was vaguely acquainted with Squall, Selfie, and Seifer through their incarnations in those games. I have also been exposed to some of the lore of the game via some Final Fantasy trivia type videos, but other than that - I didn't have any clue about the overarching story or gameplay mechanics. Totally fresh, 100% a first impression.

And even after having some time to really think about and process it all, I still have very mixed feelings about the game. On one hand, I did really appreciate the general themes, and I thought a lot of the characters were memorable and their stories compelling. Squall's journey from depressed, apathetic loner to confident hero who learns to protect and cherish his comrades is not a unique narrative, but I enjoyed seeing the growth nonetheless. Admittedly, there were many times I felt myself somewhat relating to his struggles as an older teen dealing with the heavy expectations of clueless adults, trying to involve him in their conflicts and the consequences of their collective fuck-ups. Although there were times when his reticence and broodiness got under my skin, I could easily see why he was the way he was and didn't blame him for being frustrated about expressing himself, being vulnerable, or trusting people. 

Zell, surprisingly, grew to be my favorite of the bunch. While in the beginning, he mostly appears to fit the clueless or comedy-relief sidekick trope, as the story progresses, he seems to have these remarkably mature and reliable moments, which illustrate why he was able to supersede someone like Seifer at becoming SeeD. Laguna was runner up for my next favorite for similar reasons. He's fun-loving, goofy guy, but is deadly serious about his convictions and goals. I also have a think for long/dark-haired pretty boys, but that goes without saying. This is a Final Fantasy game so there's bound to be at least one or two hot people. 

Rinoa was yet another character I grew attached to over time. At first, I thought she came on a little strong with trying to get Squall to "let his hair down" and be open about his feelings, but when it came to the greater issues at stake, it was good to see someone seriously challenge his apathy and cynicism. I enjoyed the slow burn romance between she and Squall, and yes - I admit that I DID cry during the "Eyes on Me" scene in the Ragnorak. Something about struggling through some of the most frustrating enemies in the game, going through an emotional space rescue mission, and then finally reuniting - only to hear that the person you've grown to love so much may never see you again, is devastating on many levels. 

That being said, there were some aspects of the story I felt were written and structured poorly. While I normally can enjoy a game despite a convoluted mind-fuck, time warping/time-hopping plot (I played all the KH games after all), it was hard keeping up with some aspects of the story during the end-game events and feeling everything come together. If stories are too complicated due to too many metaphysical aspects, it can muddy the emotional weight for me - even if the story is a fantasy. Final Fantasy VIII isn't Kingdom Hearts - it's not an absurd cross-over game built on a ridiculous premise, it's supposed to be somewhat grounded and realistic, and I felt like a lot of loose ends were left hanging once our attention shifted from warfare and political conflict to otherworldy time-compressing space witches. 

The gameplay is another aspect that is hard to really love. While eventually I did learn how to use junctions at the end of the game, I would much rather have preferred collecting accessories and stat buff equipment vs. the tedious act of constantly drawing spells or collecting items and cards to eventually refine into more spells. While I'm sure it is entirely possible to beat the game without magic mining and junctioning until you have the highest stats possible, it is immensely difficult to survive Ultimecia and other end-stage bosses without them - even if you grind for the highest levels for your party and gather all the most powerful weapons and Guardian Forces. After the sixth time Ultimecia had wiped the floor with my ass, I realized I needed to go back to the world map and grind for spells for three more hours before I could finally be successful at surviving past the third stage. And even then, by the time I was on the final stage, I was down to only two characters: Squall and Zell - with Zell mostly providing back up with Elixers while Squall parried away at the boss. 

Another aspect that I've seen criticized in fan circles is, aside from weapons and Limit Breaks, all party characters are essentially blank slates to be junctioned upon. Unlike FFVII where you had characters of different classes having different specialties, strengths, and weaknesses - the FFVIII characters are essentially interchangeable. For some people, this may give more ease and freedom to develop a favorite character or party set-up, but for me it wasn't as fun to just be able to hit a button, switch out some junctions, and not have to think carefully about developing each character for their specific attributes.

Visuals for the remaster were also so-so, but I was less concerned with this knowing there's only so much that can really be restored from a PS1 game. The cut scenes were gorgeous as ever, but sadly, the new HD models clashed horribly with the pixelated, low-resolution backgrounds. While on the PC, I know you can get mods and texture packs to make the backgrounds look more tolerable, I don't know if it's possible with a PS4 to do the same. That's not to say the backgrounds were ugly - it was just jarring to see a crisp, clean Dissidia NT Squall walking around in blurry PS1 Balamb or Trabia. 

Overall, despite its flaws, I would still recommend people at least try out FFVIII if they're fans of other FF games and want to try out a classic. I know for some people, it's a close favorite - either due to nostalgia, or favoring the different game play system, or a combination of reasons. Sadly, I would still have to place it as the lowest so far in my ranking of the FF series thus far. Maybe after some time has passed I can revisit it with a new perspective and maybe I'll change my mind about some of aspects I considered flaws. Sometimes my first impressions of things aren't always stellar - especially when there's a lot of new things for me to take in and digest before I start analyzing it further for pros and cons. 

Anyway, I've already begun Final Fantasy IX this week and so far I'm really enjoying that game! But more on that to come. 

My Ranking List:
1) FFVII
2) FFVII: Crisis Core
3) FFVIII



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So after . . . way too long, I decided to wrap up my playthrough of Final Fantasy VII for the PS4. Ideally, I wanted to try to platinum the game, but I wasn't looking forward to investing several more hours into even more grinding. Even with the gameplay at 3x speed, it reached a point where it was absolutely mind-numbing going back and forth in the same locations, to fight the same slew of enemies, for the same small pittance of an EXP/AP/gil reward. My brain can only handle so much repetitive tasks at this point, especially since my goal this year was to play through the other FF games.

(Doubtful I will be able to get through VIII-XV before 2022 at this point, but . . . that's what happens when you go through a shitty breakup, go into a mental health isolation spiral, and have a mentally exhausting day job. Yay!) 

I played FFVII earlier in 2019 on PC, and I still have the same appreciation for the story, characters, music, and backgrounds as I did then. Prior to my first playthrough, I was familiar with the general story, having watched Advent Children and played Dirge of Cerberus way back in 2007. Since websites like Steam didn't exist, and it was difficult to find copies of the PS1 version for a decent price, I never got to play the game before that point. I wasn't aware there was an earlier-released PC edition out there, otherwise I may have played that, but without a compatible controller for my laptop, I don't know if I would have enjoyed it the same way. And yes, I'm aware that the FFVII "compilation" is controversial for fans of the series, but the extreme hate doesn't seem to resonate with me. I have more to say on those, but for now I'll focus on the OG game. 

One thing I do wanna say about the compilation, is the main themes of the original game take quite a bit of a backseat. DoC and Advent Children focus primarily on character backstory/world development, wrapping up loose plot ends, or just introducing new characters or combat. While nothing is wrong with any of those choices, I feel like they undermine the powerful ecological and anti-capitalist messages of the OG game. I also thing OG did a better job of illustrating the bonds and relationships between the characters. One of my favorite scenes is when Cloud (suffering from an episode of Mako poisoning) and Tifa fall into the Lifestream, where she manifests in his subconscious and essentially helps him work through the complex trauma and issues of his past. It's an absolutely fantastic framing device to learn more about the two characters, and definitely solidified my support of the Cloud/Tifa ship. Even if you don't support them as a canon romantic ship, you gotta admit their relationship dynamic is beautifully written. 

In a way, I am glad I was able to experience this game for the first time as an adult with some formed opinions about the world and life in general. As a kid, my brain was basically focused on the edgy anime boys, dragons, and magic. I don't know if I would have been able to look past the atrocious polygons and appreciate the whole of what the game offers. I know it wouldn't be the first, since there was a LOT of media I saw through a weird lens back then. 

Since this would be my second time around playing the game, I took my time to accomplish some of the tasks I had previously skipped, such as breeding Chocobos. I found out that if you are leveled up enough, this is quite an easy and quick task, as you can one-shot kill surrounding enemies faster before the Chocobo runs away. As you can guess, I was subsequently able to finally get Knights of Round, which is truly an epic summon sequence. (Enabling me to destroy Jenova Synthesis in literally one turn, lmao). I also got everyone's strongest weapons and maxed out everyone's Limit Breaks with the exception of Cloud, since getting Omnislash requires significant grinding. For the same reasons, I also had to skip Emerald and Ruby Weapon. 

I'm not sure when I'm going back to complete the platinum. At the moment, I'm desperate to switch gears to the prequal installment of the compilation, Crisis Core. I am undecided if I want to simultaneously replay Remake, or at least complete some of the lower level trophies before restarting in Hard Mode. I honestly don't know where Remake will fit into my little Final Fantasy journey, but with the second installment of the game around the corner, I've considered maybe waiting until I can afford a PS5 and just replay with the Intergrade/Intermission version. No idea when that will be, though. I have a bunch of thoughts of Remake, but I might save that speech for another day. 

Anyway, ranking FF7 as a whole, I'll give it a solid 9.5/10, with the half point lost for ugly polygons and some of the lackluster gameplay mechanics. Since it's the only game I've played, it's gonna sit all by its lonesome on the ranking list I've started, but more games will surely make the list for comparison. 
  1. FFVII

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